"Live simply, but live passionately!"
~ Donna R. Wood
Right now I am at a turning point in my life. The winds of change are blowing across the path of my journey and I have some very important decisions to make.
The decision making process actually began a little over a year ago. As we get older, our priorities begin to change. Our minds tend to dream about simpler things. Things that do not involve stress or the hectic lifestyle of the days of our youth. Granted, I am not that old and I certainly do not consider myself old, although my grandchildren would beg to differ on that opinion.
I began to take inventory on my happiness and found that there were several areas in my life that needed improvement. When you are not happy, stress begins to take its toll. I found myself slipping into a reclusive lifestyle that slowly weeded out any engagement with the areas of my life that were not contributing to my happiness. My dream of being an author did not include being the eccentric, recluse locked away in some dark, dank hole in the wall somewhere in the heart of the city. I must interject that I do not now, nor will I ever (probably) own a single cat. Just so we are clear on that. But I needed to pull myself away from the world to find my center ground once again.
In a conversation last week, I spoke the words, "Live simply, but live passionately." We were discussing the lifestyle of people who were on the verge of retirment. At forty-three years old, I have some time before that happens. But, at the same time, in a world that operates on a 24/7 schedule, living simply has its benefits. Chasing the almighty dollar does not really seem to have the same appeal as it did even ten years ago.
There is a lot to be said for the quietness of the front porch watching the sun set sipping a nice warm mug of coffee. Maybe it is because I am a country girl. I always have been in my heart of hearts. All these years living in the ever expanding urban sprawl has never taken away the self that lives deep within my being.
For the last two summers I have vacationed in the place where my roots are firmly planted. I have returned to the home of my mother where I have been able to reflect on life and conduct introspection in earnest. I suppose it helps that my mother still lives there and is available for those moments when you really need that motherly advice. I am grateful for my mother everyday. On my mother's front porch are two chairs that rock. I had not felt that warmth, comfort and sense of belonging in a long time. Just sitting there rocking with my mother, not saying anything at all.
My mother has been my rock in this world since the day I was born. No matter what happened; no matter what mistakes I made; or no matter where I lived my mother has always been there for me. As we sat there on the front porch, she would glance over at me knowing...with that mother's all knowing look...and patiently wait for me to say something; anything. She knew that things were going terribly wrong in my life, and waited for me to tell her...when I was ready.
Being a woman, of then forty-two years old, the last thing I wanted to do was break down crying to my Mommy; but there I was with tear-filled eyes spilling my guts to my mother. I had hit the bottom of my mental strength and laid it all out for her with brutal honesty. My mother, she just rocked back and forth in that chair not speaking. She was listening to all the turmoil of my soul being projectile vomited into the universe. After I was finished...which seemed like an eternity to me...my mother got up and went into the house leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Having released all the surpressed anxiety, anger and frustration, to name a few of the emotions that were unleashed that evening, I felt an emptiness which oddly revealed itself as relief. I knew what I needed to do without my mother ever saying a word. Perhaps, just perhaps, it was because my mother and I know each other so well. Or, maybe it was because I know myself as well as I do. But, I knew that I needed to make some significant changes in my life. Changes that are frightening to face, but changes none-the-less that need to happen.
Once all the negative feelings had been released into the universe, I began to fill myself with positivity once again. I found my center a few months later. I have what some say is an odd gesture that I do now when I am speaking to others; placing my hands together and bringing them to my center. It reminds me that I choose how to react to the actions or words of others. I choose what I am going to say or do in the moment. I choose not to: be bullied; participate in the perpetuation of triangulation; speak without thinking; or allow the negative energies of others into my 'space'. I also choose not to absorb the negative views others have of themselves and attempt to project onto me. I simply place my hands together, center myself, and usually walk away quietly; just like my mother.
There is more to living simply than the materialistic simplicity of the world. Sometimes we need to live simply on an emotional level. Although I choose to live in emotional simplicity, I live with great passion for those things that keep the embers of the phoenix burning in order for it to be ignited when necessary.
Today, my emotional simplicity allows the wings of the butterfly to be outstretched as I float on the breezes of summer in hopes of a better tomorrow. A tomorrow that I create. A tomorrow that is filled with joy, happiness and passion.
"Live simply, but live passionately!" ~ Butterfly Phoenix
