The Kaleidoscope ~ Join Us Today!

As women, we are the birthers of nations and the mothers of mankind. We are at the heart of every village, parish, hamlet, town, city and nation of the world.

We carry within ourselves the ability to change the course of life - our own and those with whom we live.

Butterflies are indigenous to every continent, come in many colors and sizes; all have achieved the metamorphosis from the caterpillar. Where they gather is called a Kaleidoscope!

The Kaleidoscope is where women, from far and near, are living in their love, their truth, and their light!

Although we are a closed Facebook group, we invite you to connect with us today!

The Rules:

• We are all on our own flight path. Be encouraging, uplifting, and supportive of one another. You never know what storms a butterfly has weathered.

• Be willing to stretch your wings.

• Be kind.

We hope to see you there!

Downscaling is a Necessity for Women 45-54

Change is an event in everyone’s life that happens by circumstance or choice; and sometimes both. For those of us living in the afternoon of our lives, we seem to have a heightened sensitivity to change. We are a bit more cautious in our decision making. We quickly sense when change is about to occur, whether we want it to or not.

However, in the first quarter of 2016, most women 45-54 did not expect to see this:

After a hopeful spike in full-time employment in the last two quarters of 2015, full-time employment of women (45-54 - excluding self-employed), began to plummet, plateau, and then dive again. As we see in the first two quarters of 2017, full-time employment for women in this age group is seeing an uptick, albeit a small one. (Source: U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics 8-5-17.)

Women are becoming more cautious in our choices as to what we will buy, what is important enough to spend money on, and why we are making purchases at all. This is significant to consumer based companies, because the single-woman rate in the 45-54 year old age bracket is still hovering around 50% (approx. 21.4 million).

Due to the fluctuations in the job market for women in this age group, our buying power has been significantly reduced.

In the 45-54 year old age bracket here are some things to consider:

1. Many are the mothers of children under 18, or college aged;
2. Many are driving cars that are 7-10 years old;
3. Many are opting for the apartment life vs. home ownership;
4. Many make approximately 90% of the home purchases; and
5. Many are notorious comparison shoppers.

We are hunkering down, shedding debt like so many pounds at the home gym, and pinching pennies wherever we are able. We are downscaling: buying store labels over premium, frequenting stores like Wal-Mart and K-Mart and even shopping on Amazon to get the best and most for our dollars.

Women who are 45-54 can see the writing on the wall. It’s clear as day to us, and instead of becoming fearful of what is to come in the future, we are preparing. The minimalist lifestyle isn’t all about less stress; it’s about survival in an uncertain future.

Midlife Crisis or Transition?

As a person grows older in years, things change within ourselves. It happens. It is going to happen. And, it will happen to everyone. Although women tend to get the most "press" about "the change", it happens to men too. Not everyone experiences the internal shift at the same age. If we did, we would be prepared for it; right?

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the highest rate of suicide occurs during middle-age; and particularly white men - who commit suicide 3.5 times more often than women. In 2015, middle-aged suicide rose to 19.6% (7 out of 10 of those were white men); while those 80 and over had the second highest rate at 19.4%. (U.S. statistics). 

If you are struggling, please contact the National Suicide Hotline at: 1-800-273-8255.

The shift itself is inevitable. We can have a midlife transition or a midlife crisis. How we approach it is up to each of us. However, we must keep in mind that aging, in and of itself, is a process. We started aging the day we were born, but throughout our youth, being old never really occurs to us as a reality ~ not even in our thirties and early forties.

There are approximately 20 million - read that again - 20 million people in the United States who are 45-64 years old. These are the Baby Boomers and the older Gen X. We are not alone in our process.

During middle-age, we start to question our beliefs and values. We come to the place in our lives where we see that the road ahead of us is getting shorter with each passing year. We start to behave in ways that are out of character; perhaps we decide to divorce our spouse, change jobs, or move to another community. We take on extra-martial affairs to prove that we are as good as we once were. Men tend to take on dangerous hobbies that tempt fate. Women engage in the fight to stop the aging process, behaving in more youthful manners or dressing like their younger counter-parts or resorting to cosmetic restoration.

Our physical bodies betray us. After years of work - trades or office - our bodies tend to wear down. Our parts don't move as easily as they once did. Our quick wit or problem resolution tends to slow. We react a bit slower than we used to. Some of us will be wearing glasses - bi-focals even, for the first time in our lives, because our eyes aren't as keen as they used to be. Perhaps we start buying books in large print if available.

No wonder people struggle. Our whole lives are thrown into upheaval. The shift affects every aspect of our lives: work, relationships, social, spiritual, physical, and emotional. 

The trick is to:

1.  Be aware that the shift is occurring; and

2.  Committing to positive aging;

The Fairest of Them All

On the surface, Where the Lilies Bloom is a quaint story of an Appalachian mountain family, struggling to get by. However, the title itself tells the depth of a story that is meaningful to girls everywhere.

The crux of the story is based on two promises fourteen year old Mary Call made to her father – to keep the siblings together, and not to let Devola marry Kiser Pease, no matter what.

Over the years we have heard the term: Parenting by Proxy, the creating of a surrogate parent out of one of the children, usually the strongest. In my forty plus years, I have seen this happen time and time again, just as it has to Mary Call in the story. Often she will lament that she is raising three children, although Devola is four years older than herself. After the loss of their mother, Mary Call, the smartest of the lot, is put in this position. Look around at the girls you know. How many of them are raising their siblings by proxy? It happens to boys too, but most often to girls. It doesn’t just happen in single-parent households. This is also one of the drawbacks to two working parents.

Mary Call places a burden on herself to keep the secret of her father’s death from the community. She does this out of fear of the siblings being placed in separate foster homes and adopted out to families, never to see each other again. Children today do the same thing, only for different reasons. Perhaps it is a parent’s addiction, or abuse, or homelessness. The basis of the fear is just the same.

The Luther children have always dealt with the idea they are mountain folk, and don’t necessarily fit in with their more affluent urban classmates at school. Poverty is more than an economic issue. It leaves scars on children they will carry with them their whole lives. Sure, many become greater than that of their childhood, but the scars are always there. Mary Call, in addition to the stress and burdens of home, has to deal with the taunting and teasing from her peers. I don’t need to go into the effects of bullying on children. However, in Mary Call’s case she takes it in stride, always keeping her eyes focused on the mission; until winter comes.

The winters of our lives are always the most difficult to navigate. Winter is the season in which all things come to an end, in preparation for a new beginning. Mary Call is faced with the possibility of starvation, homelessness, and losing her sisters and brother, regardless of all the efforts she has put into keeping her promises.

Love is a blinding thing. The love Mary Call had for her father, blinded her to the help that was readily available, and offered throughout the story. Mary Call was bound to the promise of keeping the siblings together. However, the promise she made regarding her sister, Devola, was the very thing that could save them all – from everything. If only she could get past her father’s prejudices against a man he didn’t really know at all. He hated Kiser Pease for who he was, and no other reason.

This is important so listen up. We feed our children love and hate every day, regarding everything from the flavor of ice cream to the color of someone’s skin. Sometimes the heaping helpings of love we show to our children only serve to validate the hate we are feeding them at the same time. Children who love their parents do not want to disappoint or disobey those same parents. Out of love they learn to hate. I want you to think about that for a long time. Think about what you say in front of your children, about whom, and why.

Mary Call is a young girl who lives within the pages of one of the best coming of age stories ever written for girls.

We, women, are a fair land, the fairest of them all, because we are where the lilies bloom. It is our duty and obligation as mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and friends, and members of the community – great and small, to ensure the garden is well tended that the lilies will bloom in due time.

Through literature, we learn to live, to love, and to conquer.